I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
