You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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