Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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