yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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