sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
