i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
