Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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