So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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