I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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