I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
