Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
