I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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