i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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