I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
