DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize