Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You did what with his pubic hair?
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