i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize