I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
