It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
