I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
