Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
