I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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