i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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