If i come over, it means nothing
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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