Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This is the high leading the old right now
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
