in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
