Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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