Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
