She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
