The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just found puke in my bra..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
