i will never coherently bang her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize