He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
