Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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