look no pants
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
