I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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