I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
not ubering you a puppy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
