filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
