just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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