haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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