god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
