So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
