Pants 0. Shit 1.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
