RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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