I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
