If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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