Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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