You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
