can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
