Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
