me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
