I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
