i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
