She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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