so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
