i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
