i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish you could order shots online.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
