he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
