dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
