God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
