? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
