My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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