Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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