Welp...herpes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
