the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Vodka?
Forever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
