ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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