his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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