i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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