Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize