Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
