Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize