u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
