May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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